Trying to be strong - 07/08/19

Today I volunteered and it was a good chance to catch up with the receptionist who I work with. It was good for me to be out of the house and mixing with people because embarrassment can frequently lead me to isolate myself. Obviously my unfortunate incident from yesterday was not discussed! My coping mechanism is always 'avoidance' in these situations so I avoid discussions at all costs because opening myself up to others often leads to floods of tears and consequently even further embarrassment!

After almost 24 hours had passed, I did eventually confess to my husband the details of the incident. He was supportive and reassuring. However, I still feel that I am in a dangerous place right now. My mind keeps re-living it and I know from previous experience that this will never leave me. I am adept at coping with my own pain, misery and despair; I've been doing it my whole adult life but these past 48 hours I can totally understand how some people can fall into very dark places and feel like they have nowhere to turn and no way out. It is a sad fact that people can be cruel and unkind without ever considering how devastating the impact of those actions could be on certain, more vulnerable individuals. We don't walk around with signs warning people that we are fragile, but if there was more kindness and compassion in the world then we wouldn't need to. No-one ever really knows what anybody else is going through and it is dangerous to assume that everybody has the capacity to 'shrug things off.' I am trying to be strong and not let these negative thoughts and anxieties get the better of me. Wish me luck!