Back to work - 30/12/19

I started my Christmas job on 9th November and was pressured from the start to take on lots of hours! It was quite a strain on me because in order to cope with work, it meant I couldn't really cope with anything else...parenting, shopping, cooking, etc. The shop is near to the family home so I've been spending a lot of time back there to save time and petrol costs. Things are still very amicable between my husband and I so it has been okay and the children have liked it I think. Obviously my art and blog have taken a knock because my time has been invested elsewhere. In all honesty, I was not totally ready to start the project again in November and it meant the canvas I was working on wasn't really doing it for me anyway. I'm not sure it will make it into the exhibition.

Anyway, we returned yesterday from a brief trip away over Christmas and today was my first day back in work. I was absolutely dreading it because I hadn't had it officially approved that I could have the weekend off! I'd given plenty of notice and handed in the form in advance, etc and had been working virtually everyday in the lead up to Christmas, including Christmas Eve so I had to be brave and just assume it was okay. All very well and good for normal people but for me who is a chronic worrier about work matters it was a bigger problem all together. I nearly rang from Birmingham on Saturday just to confirm that I wouldn't be in! I resisted this urge and instead spent the day at Cadbury World with the family eating way too much chocolate!

So today I braved the shop and was met with a smile from the till supervisor so that was a good start. I was later caught by the tills manager who told me she'd been impressed with my speed on the tills but that all temporary staff contracts were to end on 4th Jan. I felt relieved that it was soon to be ending because, honestly, working drains me of all energy, even if the shifts are very short. My emotional energy is used up in preparing for/anticipating work and in 'performing' at work. It is something I struggle to explain but I guess the person I am when at work is the person I really want to be. But it is impossible to maintain this 24/7 so once I get home it's like a mask comes off and I can just relax and be myself again.

Having been assured that come Spring I would be invited back to work again as a Seasonal Temp for the summer period I left today with a spring in my step! Until I reached my car, that is. Somebody had damaged it in the car park, either whilst manoeuvring their vehicle or they've accidentally hit it with a trolley! Either way, they didn't leave any details or report it to customer services. They did however leave me with deep damage to my paintwork and also a broken light. I am so upset. Why do bad things happen to good people? I was just coming to the end of a successful temporary contract, having not worked for 6 years. Three more shifts to go and now potentially a huge bill to cover the cost of damage caused to my car whilst I was busy serving customers on a till! So unfair.