On my own - 16/03/20

I had to summon up more courage today to step out of my comfort zone and attend an appointment on my own. It was at the hospital as I've had a few physical things going on that need investigating. I tried everything to avoid having to do this alone but R was attending University on the mainland today and my mum was unable to take another Monday off work following the day we spent together on the mainland last week. So I had to work out what parts of this appointment were most troubling for me and try to minimise the stress by tailoring arrangements to suit my needs and ability.

I have been to the hospital on my own once before to collect my Volunteer uniform and on that occasion I had travelled by bus because I didn't have my own car back then. I remember feeling really positive and confident that day. So I decided that if I took the driving and car park out of the equation then I might feel more relaxed about attending today; I always find driving to appointments stressful and there are certain types of payment machines that I can't cope with either and the hospital car park is one of them!

My solution today involved parking at T's house and popping in to see her for a chat before getting the bus to the hospital; the bus stop is just at the end of her road and the journey is literally 5 minutes! Once I had got myself to the hospital I already knew where I had to go as R had taken me for several x-rays in the past year or so, the most recent one just last week. I was slightly anxious about Coronavirus and used my own antibacterial hand gel on the bus, after the bus and on entering the hospital. I was then asked to wash my hands again on entering the consultation room! So I was super clean and actually it served as a bit of a distraction from the reason I was there in the first place.

I got immediate results today but require a follow-up appointment which has to be booked through the GP. I wonder how long this will take. GP appointments are another thing I am averse to without the support of R. It is so complicated to explain how I am able to do things sometimes but then dread doing similar things on other occasions, despite having already proved to myself that I can do it! It's just the nature of anxiety I guess.

After my appointment I got the bus back to T's house and had another really nice chat, talking through everything I'd been told at the hospital and our growing concerns about the Coronavirus.

A real positive today was the sunshine. It was beautiful out there and it really did feel like Spring had sprung. I loved the warmth of the sun and it was actually a blessing to have been out and about this morning, even if it was for something that has caused me to stress and worry!