14/05/20 - Website work

Today I started the day with yoga and then spent a fair amount of time working with R on my website. We needed to tweak the layout and finalise some aspects of it that I never felt ready to do last year when this whole thing started. It seems a lifetime ago now to be honest and I feel barely recognisable from who I was back then. I feel much more relaxed and chilled, especially now that the anniversary has passed (of when the Project started). I have accepted that the project has drifted from it's original premise and evolved into something else. It will be exactly what I need it to be now, in order for me to move forward confidently and in peace. I can't be doing with creating my own stress anymore; lockdown has taught me to accept that things sometimes just have to be...we can't control them, we simply have to accept them. And one of my yoga vids with Adriene the other day mentioned the mantra of 'All is well and everything is at it should be' and this has really stayed with me; it has helped a lot. In terms of my blog and The Forty@40 Project, I am focused on carrying on, moving forwards and ultimately on the final exhibition. It was never about anyone else particularly, it was designed for me and my well-being therefore I am using it now for all it is worth! It remains something for me to focus on and provides more structure to my day and purpose in my life. This has never been more important than it is now amid the Coronavirus pandemic.

As I mentioned yesterday, here is a list of the materials used for #18...

Brown cardboard from an Amazon delivery

Leftover yellow, white and blue acrylic paints

Samples of flowery wallpapers from a DIY store last year!

Flowers from a picture given to my daughter back in Primary school

Paper from a bag of caster sugar

Wrapping paper scraps

Newspaper/supplement adverts and articles

Racing supplement and leftover poker chips from #4

A magazine

Isle of Wight Artist Yearbook - Open Studios 2019 (for the maps mainly!)

Lego guide

A school exercise booklet

Colouring in sheet and homework sheet from my son

As you can see, there is a vast array of materials that I have gathered over the years and that I can select bits from for my collage work. As I said yesterday, I love this part of the process, where I can forage around for little bits and pieces that spark excitement or inspiration in me. It is great to have choice and variety but it is also very satisfying to be able to actually put some of these 'treasures' to good use being as many people would consider this stuff rubbish that should be thrown away! I am very stubborn about holding on to craft supplies and I get very upset when I can't find certain things or if somebody has accidentally or intentionally thrown anything away! Stubborn and irrational...not painting a particularly pretty picture of myself here, am I? Ha,ha...

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I was catching up on The Portrait Artist of the Year 2018 yesterday afternoon and I felt my ears prick up when one of the artists stated:

"I don't enjoy painting - I don't understand people who paint for pleasure"

This was met with: "It's heartache, isn't it?"

The judge went on to say that one of his students once said:

"You can't write (the word) painting without (the word) pain."

The artist agreed:

"That's exactly it."

I agree to some extent. I think I am my own worst enemy when I am striving for perfection. I am learning now that when I am happy with my work, that is the time to stop. Almost always if I go back and try to change things or add to a painting, that is when I become pained because there is no going back! If you love it now, then stop. No worse feeling than loving something and then never being able to have it again because it has been forever changed! Particularly when you have no one to blame but yourself!

I also disagree with the sentiment because I think that for the most part I feel calmer, happier and more myself when I am painting (or creating) and when I am happily immersed in something it really is therapy for me; it takes me away from my worries or turns my thoughts about them around. It is quite astonishing how fantastic art is for the mind and soul. So I would suggest art isn't pain or heartache. I think it is love and joy and I would be lost without it!

My yoga for today was 'Lower Back Love' which really helped to ease my aches and pains which developed overnight since yesterday.